My Name is Paulette, and I Am a Twilighter.

If you haven't read the Twilight series yet (please see the bookshelf in the sidebar), WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? (Of course, I mean this in the kindest, nicest way possible.) As many of you know, I am in love with Edward Cullen, the most fascinatingly-dangerous, intoxicating Main Character alive. Er... dead.

So is my mother.

I have no idea when she learned to read, but she has been greedily devouring this heart-pounding saga, one swoon-serving novel after the next. However, today she called me up whining about how her eyes were hurting her from spending so much time working at the computer, which meant she couldn't spend her down-time reading and basking in Edward's glow. You see, my mother is a medical transcriptionist, which means she spends an awful lot of time staring at a computer screen. And I think that she truly believes that since Edward's father is a doctor, then by all rights she should be reading these books... continuing-education and all, don'tcha know. Uh-huh.

So here is how our conversation went this afternoon (revised edition):

(Ring, ring!)

Me: "Hello?"

Mom: "Hey, whatcha doin'?"

Me: "Oh, I'm incredibly busy, cleaning the house for my beloved husband and precious children, but if you need to speak with me, I'll gladly take time out for you. What's up?"

Mom: "Oh, my eyes hurt really bad, which means I can't spend time with my Edward (Sighhhhh.)"

('MY Edward'? Who does she think she is?)

Me: "I'm so sorry. I wish there was something I could do to help."

Mom: "Yes, me too..... (sighhhhh)."

(Awkward pause...)

Me: "Um... I guess I could read to you.."

Mom: "Oh, WOULD YOU? Oh, that would be WONDERFUL. Pick it up at 'Edward was always focused..', page 398."

Me: "Um, okay. Of which book?"

Mom: "ECLIPSE, you idiot. Good grief, you are such a wet blanket."

Me: "Oh, sorry. Okay, here goes...'Edward was al--' "

Mom: "WAIT!! STOP!!!!  Let me get comfy."

(If pillows and blankets and bon-bons made noise, that would be inserted right here.)

Mom: "Okay, proceed."

And so I spent the afternoon reading to her until it was time to pick up the children from school. Their dinner went uncooked, and they had to clean their own rooms, the poor dears, but at least I can go to my grave knowing that I cared for my mother. Even if she is a man-stealer.

So for all you Edward fans out there, here's a little freebie for you. And for those of you who haven't read the books, go ahead and stitch this up anyway, bc you'll definitely be an Edward fan after the first novel. But just remember - I am, and always will be, Edward's favorite.

Sucks for you.

You may also download this file: Download edward_freebie.pdf

Comments

[Christine]

Hi Paulette, I've been lurking your blog for longer than I care to recall, but this has finally prompted me to post.
Thankyou so much for this chart. My daughters are going to go totally nuts over this (or "nutser" anyway, if thats even a word).
Have to confess I'm more Jacob's girl myself, am I still allowed to read your blog???

[Heidi]

LOL yes you can now die a happy woman to know your mom has got her time with dear Edward. I can say I honestly had never heard of the twilight series. What's wrong with me you ask? Why I live under a rock of course! LOL I am definitely intrigued now and will be sending for the first book on Oct 1st! Why so long?? Because we are military of course and that is our payday. Aww alas, I sadly wait...

[muahahaha!]

Hurry up and get the Jacob one made ladyyy, before I hit you with my cane.
Hooligan!
I love you,
but I love Jacob more.
Guess who.
Tehehehe.
Need a hint?
MIP.<3

[Jeanne]

Cute story! I read the Twilight books because my 13 granddaughter was in love with them. It was very difficult to put them down. Thanks for the xs pattern. I'll be making that for DGD, Abby.

[Corinne]

sorry, my english is not perfect. It's a good idea, I read twilight and of course I love this story
thank you for you freebies

[Account Deleted]

Hi from France. I've made a bookmart inspired from your chart. I'll send you the picture if you tell me how to do!
Thanks a lot!